Grudges
To all those who hang on to a grudge like an adolescent boy in the bathroom discovering gentlemen time I understand you. Your emotions are valid there are some things that to you are unforgivable regardless of the sincerity of the apology. There is also a certain satisfaction that is gained by holding a grudge I mean its like getting life long revenge...Uhhh if your in to that sorta thing ;). Just because your forgive someone doesn't mean deep down inside you don't still despise him or her for whatever they did. To accept an apology because life is too short is just too cliche' for a grudge holder. Holding a grudge can be useful though look at it from this perspective...Someone does something that in your eyes is unacceptable. The only way for you to get over it is to not talk to this person until you are ready. It could be a day, weeks,or months but YOUR feelings are hurt and YOU need to get over it at YOUR own pace; while the offender has time to sit back and linger on the fact that whatever they did was not a good idea. Everyone has time to learn a lesson about the other person and when the time is right they will reconcile and move on.
See grudges catch a bad rep because people make DRAMA and GRUDGES synonymous and they are not. Don't hype up the grudge by telling everyone that your not talking to Brenda because she did or said BLAH, BLAH, BLAH! Come on we are all adult a simple "I haven't talked to her in a while" would have sufficed. That type of stuff makes you look and sound petty also your creating that whole drama factor. When Brenda finds out you've been telling everyone this made up story ( I say made up b/c she wont a agree with your version) it will stray away from the matter at hand. Soon you might forget why you were mad in the first place. How can you hold a grudge if you can't remember why you should be mad? Regardless of why you maybe holding a grudge OWN IT and if need be defend it let people know " HEY these are MY feelings and they are not debatable." If they still don't get why your still mad at something that happened three years ago tell them they don't need to get it, you understand and that's all that matters. Ride that grudge till the wheels fall off get some new ones and keep on riding. Once in a awhile a grudge holder might feel that forgiving nature don't fight it there's nothing worse than hanging on to something that isn't there, THAT is a waste of time.
Forgivers
To all those who let bygones be bygones you little angels shine so brightly I can see your halo. People need to understand that while forgiving maybe an acquired taste to someone such as yourself its just your human nature. Hats off to the people who can forgive the murderer that killed their whole family. There is something to be said about that. To totally be able to disregard the possible paranoia of "Will this person burn me again?" doesn't plague your every thought. You seem to have the ability to look into someones eyes and see in their soul longing for forgiveness a skill not easily possessed for that matter. You won't let anyone take your kindness for weakness but, even if they did you would just turn the other cheek. You can piss on someone while they are on fire even though they piss on you when your not burning. One point that a forgiver has is that people make mistakes whether intentional or accidental and if its sincere why not accept, forget and move on. This won't be their last time being human and I'm sure at one point you might make a mistake and need a little mercy.
To sum it all up ....Honestly I'm biased hahahaha for real though look at the grudge section and now the forgiver its short because I really don't know much about it forgiving that is. If you pissed me off bad enough I just won't mess with you anymore. I digress though I'm the Devil Advocate so I had to try and play both sides but I think my horns were showing a little on this ;) ! Everyone will have their own reason to hold on to it or let it go and like I said before feelings aren't debatable and no one should have to justify why the feel a certain type of way. So to try and answer the question "Can't we all just get along?" My gut reaction.... No but, I could be wrong you guys tell me can we?
If you hold a grugde check out these quotes:
“Irish Alzheimer's: you forget everything except the grudges”
The world needs anger. The world often continues to allow evil because it isn't angry enough. ~Bede Jarrett
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. ~Phyllis Diller, Phyllis Diller's Housekeeping Hints, 1966
Do not teach your children never to be angry; teach them how to be angry. ~Lyman Abbott
Forgivers I didn't forget about you:
“I've had a few arguments with people, but I never carry a grudge. You know why? While you're carrying a grudge, they're out dancing.”
Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die. ~Malachy McCourt
Always write angry letters to your enemies. Never mail them. ~James Fallows
I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to. ~Author Unknown
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