How make-up made me Secure

My love affair with make up started early, at the tender age of four I would fantasize of the days when I would be able to "paint my face". I would often sneak into my mother's make-up, my mom wasn't and to this day isn't much of a make up gal. So you can imagine  I was appalled at her sparse and sub par collection. Mommy fancied perfume a little more which I used as well...... to bathe in. I vowed at that young age that my make up collection would be vast ranging from a plethora of  brushes to a veritable rainbow of eye shadows, blushes and, lipsticks.I may have been young but my imagination was way past its time when it came to admiring the superficial.

8th grade Dance

As I grew older my run-ins with make up became more frequent, I indulged to the fullest extent during each chance encounter. I distinctly remember one Christmas receiving a deluxe set of Lip Smackers complete with chap-stick and lip gloss ; I climaxed as I smelled and applied each flavor one by one to my lips. As a cruel joke knowing the love I shared for my chap and gloss set my older brother uncapped and cover them all with Lawry's Seasoning salt. I only realized this when I went to apply my 50th coat of chap-stick that day. It was easy to get the salt off the chap-stick but, the roller ball of the lip gloss was another story. As the years went by I out grew my love of Lip Smackers . Although the flavors were still tasty I wasn't accomplishing the visual effects I had hoped for my young but full lips .....I knew their potential.

Freshman year at MND 1997 pre-braces

Throughout Elementary and Jr. high school I managed to develop another love dance which also encompassed my first love (make-up) Ahhh my first threesome.  In elementary we only wore lipstick and a little blush but in Jr. high I hit the big leagues and got my first compact. For dance competitions we needed foundation, powder, lipstick, blush and, mascara which all had to be applied liberally as so the judges could see our facial expressions. I believe this is where I initially picked up my heavy handed cosmetic application technique. I would get so excited about putting on make-up for my dance competitions that I would put it all on the night before. Then I would sleep like a corpse as not to smudge it only to wake up in the morning and realize that it had evaporated into my face anyway.

Sophomore Year

By the time High school rolled around I had somewhat of a social life 75 % of that was due to braces. While I had some of the best skin ( I do recall the words smooth and milky being thrown around) with or with out make-up  my teeth were another story. My mother recognizing the crippling effect my half inch gap was on my having social life and self esteem did what any good parent would do she indulged my superficial need to fit in and got me the mouth metal. As my gap slowly closed I fancied my face even more I wasn't so bad looking after all.

Junior Year

My Sr. year of high school was when I picked dance back up by this time I had "perfected' my cosmetic application. This time around  the make-up was more dramatic fake eye lashes with glitter for our cheeks and eyes . This particular look would only be appreciated in a competition atmosphere but, it was the thrill for me I just loved to put it on and as far as I was concerned I was good at it! Soon dance was finished and so was my senior year but, my love for make-up only grew stronger.

Senior Year

In September of 2001 I was an undecided freshman at the University of Cincinnati and my social calendar was booming. At this time I was working at a popular clothing store in Tri-County Mall this job fed another new found love of mine fashion ( between the ages of 16-22 I spent all my money on weed, clothes, make-up, and fast food). I complimented all my perfectly accessorized outfits with make-up and lots of it. There was no interaction to casual for me to wear make-up. I actually never left the house with out this caboodle I owned which possessed and ungodly amount of cosmetics that I had collected though out high school. I had, had friends suggest that maybe I wore too much make-up and I would quickly suggest to them I could care less what they thought. I never felt insecure or weird about the amount of make up I piled on my face "I" liked it and "I" thought it looked good.
It was mid fall semester, I made the leisurely walk from my class to the book store to grab a snack and use the little girl's room. My make-up was applied heavily as normal and I was dressed in a pink tri-colored 3qtr length top ( it went from dark pink, medium pink to, light pink) and jeans. That morning I coated my eyelids in the thickest brightest pink eye-shadow I had, as to compliment my top. I often liked to frequent this particular bookstore because it was in the middle of campus and there were usually a lot of guys around. I would coyly snack there and pretend to do homework on my break while a variety of guys would make their way past. Most of them came up and spoke others just admired either way my stomach and ego were full. Once the awkward stage in my life had pasted and I decided that I was pretty I also quickly decided I liked when it was acknowledged.
As me, my 36C breast and my pocket full of sunshine bounced confidently  towards the bookstore  I heard "Hey GIRL!", yes the cliche' cat call that has been shouted at every woman through out time. I expectantly turned my head and thought "Oh another compliment?  Story of my life! Then I heard "Why you got all that DAMN make-up on , all that ain't even necessary!", the random asshole shouted! As you can imagine I was mortified and quickly made my way the other 35 feet to the bookstore down the stairs and into the bathroom. "Ughhh!" I threw down my back pack grabbed some paper towels and, started to wipe my face. I was as salty as my sabotaged Lip Smackers but hurt overall. As customary I had felt predominately good about my look that day. While I was one to disregard my friends cosmetic critiques  the one from this random asshole stung so badly that I had removed a whole half layer of my make-up with a rough UC paper towel. I stopped "What the fuck" was I doing ?! My thoughts instantly flashed back to that morning I considered the way I felt as I applied my third coat of mascara and slathered my lips in a shiny layer of clear gloss. I thought I looked good! "Exactly!" I mean this guy didn't even know me but I knew me and I knew that if this was anyone else I would be telling him to go take a flying leap. At that moment in the bookstore bathroom I decided that I would never let anyone make me feel insecure about the way I looked or felt again. Needless to say I skipped my snack and ego parade that day. Sticks and stones didn't break my bones but the words kinda bruised my psyche. I continued my higher education at UC until Spring of 02 and then I quit. I had decided that while college had done wonders for my social life I liked making money more . So I continued my journey in retail  to gratify  my love of money and clothes.
Now lets shoot ahead to now 2011 whether you've known me for a while or are just meeting me it would be fair for you to say that me and make up are still quite fond of one another. I have also learned that when it comes to make up sometimes less is more.
You can imagine how disconcerting it is for me to hear people (honestly its mostly guys) say that wearing make up makes you insecure.  "INSECURE!", wow Really?? Immediately I'm defensive and offended. I'm confident enough to admit that I am not perfect but I don't wear make-up to hide some underlying insecurity. Looking good and feeling good are synonymous there are many ways that people go about achieving this emotional tandem. If throwing a little rouge on is one of the so be it. Hey!! Some guys get pineal implants, toupees, and take Viagra. Let me tell you I would be a lot less ashamed to have a little lipstick on my teeth or have my fake eyelash fall off than to deal with the awkward stare and silence from my girlfriend after I scramble for my toupee after a swift fall breeze blows it across the park. There is just no way to recover from that. We are all judgmental ( Why, Why ? I tell you it's just Human Nature) but, it's another thing to shit on someone's sunshine. We can't just tell people how they should feel about themselves.
Make-up to me is like a microphone it only enhances what you already have. Life is what you make of it my life is a stage every time that  curtain opens I am facial prepared. As I make my way through life with make-up  I would love nothing less than to not be judged by someone who I don't even know.  I strongly believe that the people that know you least typically have the most to say about any and everything. So as you make your way through life and you come across a character with a quirk that you may not fancy for yourself take a second to admire the quality that is unique to them. Stifle your urge to make a back-handed compliment  or to give them a side ways look with a smirk because chances are if they didn't ask you they probably don't care what you think.