When should you let it go...? Bygones vs. Grudges

Can't we all just get along? A question still begging to be answered. Some people say life is too short to hang on to resentment and the past. Others say FUCK that! A grudge and forgiveness may depend on the severity of the situation, the length of the relationship, personalities and so many other factors. I think it's important for everyone to try understand different point of views on this subject. So again  I put myself in the position as the Devils Advocate  to shed some light on the subject.

Grudges
To all those who hang on to a grudge like an adolescent boy in the bathroom discovering gentlemen time I understand you. Your emotions are valid there are some things that to you are unforgivable regardless of the sincerity of the apology. There is also a certain satisfaction that is gained by holding a grudge I mean its like getting life long revenge...Uhhh if your in to that sorta thing ;). Just because your forgive someone doesn't mean deep down inside you don't still despise him or her for whatever they did. To accept an apology because life is too short is just too cliche' for a grudge holder. Holding a grudge can be useful though look at it from this perspective...Someone does something that in your eyes is unacceptable. The only way for you to get over it is to not talk to this person until you are ready. It could be a day, weeks,or months but YOUR feelings are hurt  and YOU need to get over it at YOUR own pace; while the offender has time to sit back and linger on the fact that whatever they did was not a good idea. Everyone has time to learn a lesson about the other person and when the time is right they will reconcile and move on.

See grudges catch a bad rep because people make DRAMA and GRUDGES synonymous and they are not. Don't hype up the grudge by telling everyone that your not talking to Brenda because she did or said BLAH, BLAH, BLAH! Come on we are all adult a simple "I haven't talked to her in a while" would have sufficed. That type of stuff makes you look and sound petty also your creating that whole drama factor. When Brenda finds out you've been telling everyone this made up story ( I say made up b/c she wont a agree with your version) it will stray away from the matter at hand. Soon you might forget why you were mad in the first place. How can you hold a grudge if you can't remember why you should be mad? Regardless of why you maybe holding a grudge OWN IT and if need be defend it let people know " HEY these are MY feelings and they are not debatable." If they still don't get why your still mad at something that happened three years ago tell them they don't need to get it, you understand and that's all that matters. Ride that grudge till the wheels fall off get some new ones and keep on riding. Once in a awhile a grudge holder might  feel that forgiving nature don't fight it there's nothing worse than hanging on to something that isn't there, THAT is a waste of time.

Forgivers

To all those who let bygones be bygones you little angels shine so brightly I can see your halo. People need to understand that while forgiving maybe an acquired taste to someone such as yourself its just your human nature. Hats off to the people who can forgive the murderer that killed their whole family. There is something to be said about that. To totally be able to disregard the possible paranoia of "Will this person burn me again?" doesn't plague your every thought. You seem to  have the ability to look into someones eyes and see  in their soul longing for forgiveness a skill not easily possessed for that matter. You won't let anyone take your kindness for weakness  but, even if they did you would just turn the other cheek. You can piss on someone while they are on fire even though they piss on you when your not burning.

One point that a forgiver has is that people make mistakes whether intentional or accidental and if its sincere why not accept, forget and move on. This won't be their last time being human and I'm sure at one point  you might make a mistake and need a little mercy.

To sum it all up ....Honestly I'm biased hahahaha for real though look at the grudge section and now the forgiver its short because I really don't know much about it forgiving that is. If you pissed me off bad enough I just won't mess with you anymore. I digress though I'm the Devil Advocate so I had to try and play both sides but I think my horns were showing  a little on this ;) ! Everyone will have their own reason to hold on to it or let it go and like I said before feelings aren't debatable and no one should have to justify why the feel a certain type of way. So to try and answer the question "Can't we all just get along?" My gut reaction.... No but, I could be wrong you guys tell me can we?

If you hold a grugde check out these quotes:
“Irish Alzheimer's: you forget everything except the grudges”

The world needs anger.  The world often continues to allow evil because it isn't angry enough.  ~Bede Jarrett

 Never go to bed mad.  Stay up and fight.  ~Phyllis Diller, Phyllis Diller's Housekeeping Hints, 1966




Do not teach your children never to be angry; teach them how to be angry.  ~Lyman Abbott


Forgivers I didn't forget about you: 
“I've had a few arguments with people, but I never carry a grudge. You know why? While you're carrying a grudge, they're out dancing.”

Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.  ~Malachy McCourt

Always write angry letters to your enemies.  Never mail them.  ~James Fallows


I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.  ~Author Unknown

When should you STOP giving advice to a friend?

I personally find myself playing therapist to all my friends to and I love it!! I mean nothing validates that you are giving a great unbiased advice except when the residual calls from your friends crying, turmoiled and angry coming pouring in. To me its a privilege to counsel someone when they are at their worst (Hops off my high horse). But when do you stop? I mean we all want to help out loved ones, co-workers and friends but how do we recognize when we're not enough and help them see it too?

So I rifled through my mental roll-a-deck and came across this heading "You get me once shame on you, you get me twice shame on me" here I found some instances when i learned to  just stop.

• When your advice is falling on deaf ears. Sometimes people seek us out for advice  and then don't take it no matter how good it is  WHY? Because its not what they want to hear. This person is gonna do what they want to and it will be told to them by someone telling them what they WANT to hear not by you. So save your breathe and if not, then you will find yourself constantly saying I told you so which can cause resentment.
• When the person can't form an opinion unless being told their opinion a.k.a. A Follower. If your gonna give advice/opinion to someone like this understand when it doesn't pan out ( and it wont because it never does for a follower) its gonna be your fault.
• Check this scenario Friend of yours complains to you about a friend of theirs ( you don't know them  that well) They take your advice in regards to the other person and then they tell the other person everything you said and none of the negative things they said!
• If a person says "Why did I listen to you?" A lot is to be said for someone when they can't be responsible for their own actions after being given an opinion/advice. Again a trait of a follower. NEVER give this person again even if they are asking if they should breathe.
• Your constantly cursing out your friends Bf/Gf for how crappy they treat your friend. Then the next week there they are back together AGAIN. Let me make this clear their boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't care about you or what you think of them or anything for that matter. They will be there until your friend, family etc decides otherwise. Further more if your friend is always complaining about their Gf/Bf just tell them to Take a shit or get up off the toilet. I mean why complain when we all know u ain't goin nowhere!!    

I could go on and on about when to stop but ultimately you know when its time to let the bird spread its wings and fly.Deep down we all probably know when but there's always that hope that this time they will listen. As far as making them realize that you can't help them ...  it ain't nothing but a word. By that I mean saying something like this "Look I love u and I empathize with you but, its clear I can't help you with your situation anymore." Just those words alone would send a resonance through my body that would really make me step back and re-evaluate my life. Feel free to take my advice about advising but if it doesn't work out don't blame me!!! ;)

TMI on FACEBOOK!!

"Sorry MySpace but, FACEBOOK is the best social network of all time." The question still plagues us all though ...What is too much information for Facebook!? No, No not name, address, and phone number I mean life info. Further more how do you get the guts to post it?

Does everyone that can read your FB news feed need to know that if Darren from 6th st don't stop talking that you got something for him, that your child's mother/father is a deadbeat or my fave that you want to get laid that includes male and female? Now many of you reading this may be guilty of posting these types of stats or even worse but, don't get offended and sensitive I and many others just want to know WHY? I understand wanting to put someone on blast but at what point do you realize that you are blasting yourself too. Somethings are better left unsaid and to KARMA. I digress. 

TMI is not just limited to what you post. Its about what people post and comment to you as well some of these things might include "Sorry you lost your job"...Uhhhh No one needs to know that. Tagging you in pictures when your somewhere and with someone your not supposed to be, worse than the paparazzi. Lastly, and the most annoying constantly overloading the news feed with your every move " just got up", " going to the store" , "Tired", "Just took a nap now what". I mean Come on take that shit to TWITTER!
Facebook in Real life!!!    <<<< CLICK HERE TO WATCH!!

Speaking of shit what is too much cursing and does it depend on who is on your page that you don't want to offend. Now the key word in that last sentence was YOUR PAGE. Whether people like it or not freedom of speech is alive and well. People can do and say what they want on their Facebook page and if you don't like it (statuses, posts, comments, pics etc) then utilize then hide button.

How offended would I be if someone tried to dictate my status update....VERY that's not what I'm trying to do I just want everyone to understand that subtly and subliminal messages goes a long way . You want to prove to that "HATERS" that the haven't gotten to you but they have because it's written all in your statuses. 

Don't cater your facebook page to anyone but you and if people don't like it then tell them to delete you. In my opinion your friends, co-worker, and family members will love you no matter how crazy, nasty, or how many grammar errors you status has!!

Now if you are looking to clean up your facebook act take some of these helpful hints:

• If you want to talk crap about someone INBOX or PRIVATE CHAT DUH!!
• Don't post your every move and then post why are all these chicks/dudes stalking me get a life!!
• Check to see if someones parents are on their page before you post something suspect to their wall just b/c you don't care what your parents think doesn't mean they don't
• Don't fight or threaten people on facebook because if somthing pops of it will probably hold up in court
• Lastly, WRITE IT REGRET IT SAY IT FORGET IT!!